Searching for connection
My mood goes through different phases and with time I got accustom to them. I know that sometimes I can't study nor work, and I just want to talk to someone, somehow talking to someone making me feel better. Should I really feel like that?
I always beat myself up for not doing something with my time, but should we always aim to do something? I don't know, I wish in the future to be able to put more hours and energy into my studies and work. It seems always that I have a strong connection between my mental health and my work/studies' progress.
I start to realize more and more that I need to recognize my path of life as being unique and to just try my best without trying to copy someone's way of living. I always think about what the other successful people did while I was wasting time. What a mental prison of guilt and shame!
I think writing is a great way for me to get over this, writing these words with honesty and mindfulness helps me to realize that I am actually not doing super bad or that I actually want to study or work. It is okay to be unorganized sometimes, it is fine if my schedule got ruined couple of times a day. I should treat myself less like a robot and more like a human.
Am I searching for connection through talking or writing as a tool to escape the prison and be free from these not super useful thoughts? Maybe and Maybe not. I don't know and it is okay not to know everything.
May Allah protect you