Taking care of myself
I am the middle child, and for some reason, being organized or having a great body wasn't on brand for me. No one would expect it from me, and/so I never expected it from myself. Does me being the middle child have hands in that? I don't know honestly, what I know that my big brother was a very neat person and I wanted to be different and I didn't care or give thoughts how would that affect me.
July and August 2024 mark one of the lowest points of my life, not like I didn't have such periods before but definitely this period was unique. so for you to imagine, I would stay the whole day (I truly mean the whole day) watching youtube, shows, or movies and nothing else. I truly was like this Japanese anime character that didn't see the sun.
I finished my exams and went home, and one thing I like about my mother that she is a straight-forward person, so as any caring person she told me straight away that I need to lose weight and I agreed. Why did I agree? Well, I reached the highest weight and the problem was not only the fats, it was the muscle lost. I lost so much muscles that for the first time in my life, I felt so weak, I was almost ill most of the time and I was ashamed of that so much, not only because of my body shape or the weakness (by the way, maybe it is not healthy to even be ashamed of that), I was truly ashamed because this body and these habits are a living proof of how I am wasting my life away.
We all have a low point in our lives, right?
My low point was going to the doctor and him telling me that I started to develop fats over my liver. My mother as the wonderful person she, told me that we should see the doctor because my family health history, and when the doctor informed me, I felt like I have hit a rock bottom.
Was it because of your family worries? Was it to feel better?
Of course it was, but the reason which started the change was hidden for many years. It was hidden in all the actions, like I never bought colognes, I never cared to buy a wardrop that I like. I am a minimilast so I think a lot before buying, but that was never the reason for all of this self ignorance. - if I can call it that -
I actually never took care of myself in a good way. I just had the enough to keep the pillar of my personalities. These pillars are work, studying and family. As you can see non of these pillars contains my physical or mental health or even being happy or that I deserve to look good, smell good, and feel good. I was just a well oiled machine to satisify people and practical ego.
I started this post to write about how I changed my diet and started to commit to take care of myself, but ended up writing about all the reasons I didn't before, how beautiful writing is, really! Well, I will write another post soon about how I commited to that and my journey and various projects in it.
May Allah protect you :)