Why can't I become who I want to be?
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Jealousy can be used as an indication of who you want to be.
I am jealous of this people who can enjoy reading scientific papers and build cool software. I am jealous of people with great schedule and are not afraid of their whole life destroyed. I am jealous of people who can maintain a long lasting motivation. I am jealous of people in academia. I am jealous of people who share their life with a partner.
I may look like a bad person now, I don't want take these stuff from the people, I just want to have it as well, I want to be in their same community. All of this jealousy can be transferred to an acknowledgement of desire that leads my life, but for some reason, I spend my days waiting for my life to fall a bit by bit.
I don't know the answer for the question in the title. All I know that, I hope one day, I have a life where I can be not jealous of anyone.
May Allah protect you